10 March, 2016

In a Slump

You may have noticed that I haven't been posting that much recently. My last post was published on February 10th, which was exactly a month ago (so much for my goal of posting four times a month). This month-long hiatus was mainly because of final exams, which took place on the 3rd, 19th and 26th of February. Studying didn't give me much time for anything else, and honestly I'm pretty proud that I was even able to get out the two posts that I did in February.

Since my last exam was almost two weeks ago, though, I can't use exams as an excuse for not writing anymore. I still have one more assignment to hand in before the end of the semester, but that should have taken me a few days at the most (a.k.a. it should already be done) and is certainly not the reason for my lack of blog posts.

The only excuse I have is that I'm in a slump. Not just a writing slump but a life slump in general. Now that I don't have the stress of exam deadlines hanging over my head, I feel like I have to force myself to do anything. I wake up in the morning not feeling very rested but with the best intentions of being productive. Then by the time I'm done eating breakfast all I want to do is watch YouTube videos all day (which I haven't yet succumbed to, at least not all day, but it's been a close call). Espresso has motivated me enough to work my way slowly but surely through my assignment, but once the caffeine wears off I'm back to square one.

The logical next step would be to work on something else on my to-do list, but that's proving equally challenging. I've had the same list of things to accomplish for weeks now, and I'm lucky if I cross off two or three things a day. I just don't have the motivation to do anything, and talking myself into being productive, or even doing things I usually enjoy in my leisure time like reading or cooking, takes way more energy than it should.

I could explain it away by saying I deserve a break after exams, or I don't have energy because I got a cold last week that's still hanging around. But it's more than just that I'm tired or I'm purposely being lazy. I seem to be at a point where sitting around all day doing nothing wouldn't even make me bored because sitting around all day is exactly what I want to do. The only thing making me do even a basic level of productive activity is the guilty conscience that comes from thinking that maybe I am just being lazy and selfish. I know that I should be completing tasks and in theory I want them to be done, but my entire being seems to be resisting.

Even starting to write this post was a bit of a challenge. I did it mostly in an effort to simply complete something, anything, which will hopefully motivate me to continue the momentum and complete something else. I know that the will to do these things is in there somewhere, and I'm hoping that getting this off my chest, combined with the satisfaction of accomplishing something, will help me get through another day with a few more things accomplished.

Hopefully this unmotivated feeling goes away soon. I would really like it to, because there are things I should be doing and planning and I don't want to have to coerce myself into doing them. If anyone has any suggestions, other than coffee, to increase my motivation and mood, let me know. I hope to get back on the blogging wagon and have more posts for you soon!

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